Today, a parent came in and asked to speak with my supervisor privately. My assistant was present for this conversation and asked me if anything happened while the parent was in the room. I racked my brain thinking of what, if anything, happened while this mother was in the room. The only thing I thought of was me asking her daughter to sit on the rug. Not really worth complaining about...
So later that morning, my supervisor came into the room to inform us she had spoken to this very upset mother. She was angry because one of my students had a birthday party this weekend, and her daughter was not invited to it.
Seriously?
You need a private conference with the Director of Early Childhood to discuss a student having a birthday party?
Really?
Do we look like a counseling service? I didn't think so. Seriously MOM, get over yourself. Perhaps, your kid was not invited because her mother is a giant pain in the ass. That is one thought. Here is another, your kid does not play with the child whose birthday party it was.
Being a teacher, I do have some control over what the children do. However, when they leave that control is gone. Forget that the mother of the child whose party was last weekend doesn't have a job and they do not have a lot of money. Forget that he was told he could only invite a few friends so he could have a birthday party. How dare he only invite part of the class! Get a clue lady! Her logic was if the entire class was not invited, then none of them should be. So this child, who wears donated clothing because they cannot afford new clothes, should not have a birthday party because he can't invite everyone? Screw you, MOM, and pull the stick out of your ass.
What people do in their free time is out of mine and my supervisor's control. Your kid isn't hurt by the non-invitation so why are you? It's one less present to buy and you can spend your money on your own bratty kids you can't control. Perhaps getting a life will help you stop being angry about stupid things that won't matter in two days anyway. Just a thought. Here's another one: If you are mad at the parent talk to the parent, not us, because we will just make fun of you behind your back.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
The flower girl is supposed to be one of the easiest parts!
For my wedding to the fiancé, we decided on two flower girls and two ring bearers. The girls include his niece (whose 7) and his uncle's kid with his fiancé (whose 2). The ring bearers are my matron of honor's two sons (who are 3 and 5). Everyone has been easy to work with, except the 2 year-olds mother (the fiancé's uncle's fiancé).
She has been the biggest pain in the ass, and that's saying something. We asked her if her daughter could be one of our flower girls last summer. She had said yes, and everything seemed to go as planned. I was excited. In October, we sent his uncle a message about getting his daughter fitted because sometimes it takes longer for the girls dresses to get in. The uncle's fiancé contacted my future mother in law and said her daughter was not going to be in our wedding if the dress was not under $100 and she wanted her daughter to wear her mother's dress from when her mother was a flower girl, which was 50+ years go.
As I'm sure you could imagine, I was pissed. First, how are you going to tell the bride what to do at her wedding? Second, if you were only willing to pay $100 then you should have said that originally before I had my heart set on a dress. Third, the fiancé and I are adults and are the ones planning this wedding, not his mother, so you should be talking to us.
I texted the future mother in law and apologized for the flower girl's mother putting her in the middle of it and explained how unfair it was for her they did this because it had nothing to do with her. FYI this is me politely saying, "BUTT OUT!" She obviously did not get the hint and said how everyone was worried I would be upset. Well, duh! Of course I would be upset! Who tells the bride the flower girl will be wearing a 50 year old dress? Asshats, that's who! I composed myself and politely said that I would be contacting her (asshole) brother and his (dumb bitch) fiance to let them know the 50 year old dress will not work because it does not match my theme. My future mother in law asks me to send her a picture of my wedding dress to show her brother along with the flower girl dress so he can see how they mirror one another. WTF?! I am not sending you a picture of my wedding dress so you can parade it around your family and everyone can comment and critique it before my wedding! I made the fiance handle me turning down that idea to his mother. He also reiterated to his mother the 50 year old flower girl's dress would not fit our theme.
My not matching theme excuse is one I use for all things people suggest that I do not like. It isn't mean, but it gets them to leave me alone. Except when the fiance asks me to explain the theme and I can't because it is complicated and I end up wanting to kick him in the balls. I am going for a vintage look because I am getting married in a theater made in the 20's, but some of touchs are more modern. For example, I am having the bridesmaids in pearls, which is vintage; however, I weaved ribbon around each, which is something I saw at Carson's a few months ago, so I have the modern touch. So instead of explaining everything which would take 20 minutes, I say I'm looking for vintage with a touch of modern. So of course the fiance has to call me out in front of people and ask me to explain myself. Jerk. I mostly want to say, "It means I don't like your stupid ass idea for my wedding so leave me the hell alone!" But that wouldn't be nice would it? It would be: "There's that devil woman goes again ruining our perfect, walk on water, son!" Ugh inlaws! Maybe you are asking yourself why I wouldn't like a 50 year old dress if I am looking for vintage. Well, because it was ugly and 50 years ago was the 60's not the 20's, but mostly because it was ugly.
I digress, so the dress was dropped and I learned the reason behind the freak out was because his uncle thought we were getting married in October. Why October? No idea...because he is a moron...don't really have a reason for that. Yes, our wedding is in October; however, we did not send out any invitations and told you in the month of October you had to buy the dress. These people need a punch to the face!
For awhile we did not hear from them. I learned from the bridal boutique the girls did not have to be fitted until Christmas. So around Christmas I made the fiance text his uncle to let him know his daughter would need to be fitted soon and thinking, "Here we go again!" Finally, the uncle's fiance gets back to him asking about the boutique. I get her number and text her the details. I give her the name of the shop and where it is located. She texts me back asking for the phone number, which of course I don't have because I just look it up on Google and call it. As I wonder why she cannot look it up on Google and call them, I find the number on my phone and send it to her. I ask when she will get her daughter fitted. She doesn't respond. Great, she can't Google a freaking number and I am going to be down a flower girl.
A few days go by and I still have not heard when she is getting her daughter fitted. Fortunately for me, I chose two flower girls and the other mother is on top of things and her daughter is fitted and the dress is ordered. I finally text the mother again to let her know she has until the end of the following week to have her daughter's dress ordered or it will not be delivered on time. I even called the boutique to turn her away if she was not there by a certain date. I know, I know bitchy move, but I was sick of her shit! She finally texts me back to inform me she will be taking her daughter in on the last possible day. Jerk, but at least it is getting done!
I text her later to let her know the rehersal dinner will be the Thursday before the wedding. This is something I am not happy about because I am getting married on a Sunday. The theater tries to book weddings on the Fridays and Saturdays so I will not be able to have a rehersal then. I know Thursday is kind of a messed up day, so I made sure all of the attendants know about the day in order to be there on time. I let her know the day and she texts me back informing me she will need a reminder. Really? A reminder? You are almost 40 years old and you can't manage to write it on your calendar or program it into your phone? Really? I want to make sure I am getting this straight, with everything other detail I am planning and making sure goes without a hitch, I should also stop everything I am doing so I can give you a reminder? Are you a child?
Maybe I am being a bridezilla, but I believe this sheer laziness. It is ridiculous to ask the bride to give you a reminder when she has a million other things to do! It reminds me of The Office where Meredith asks Pam to give her a ride to Pam's wedding. I now dread talking to this mother because everytime she says something, it makes me want to smack her. The flower girl should be one of the easiest parts. If this mother thinks she is doing us a "favor" by having her daughter in our wedding and therefore can act like a jackass, please don't do us any favors. I work with four year olds, I will have no problem finding another flower girl.
She has been the biggest pain in the ass, and that's saying something. We asked her if her daughter could be one of our flower girls last summer. She had said yes, and everything seemed to go as planned. I was excited. In October, we sent his uncle a message about getting his daughter fitted because sometimes it takes longer for the girls dresses to get in. The uncle's fiancé contacted my future mother in law and said her daughter was not going to be in our wedding if the dress was not under $100 and she wanted her daughter to wear her mother's dress from when her mother was a flower girl, which was 50+ years go.
As I'm sure you could imagine, I was pissed. First, how are you going to tell the bride what to do at her wedding? Second, if you were only willing to pay $100 then you should have said that originally before I had my heart set on a dress. Third, the fiancé and I are adults and are the ones planning this wedding, not his mother, so you should be talking to us.
I texted the future mother in law and apologized for the flower girl's mother putting her in the middle of it and explained how unfair it was for her they did this because it had nothing to do with her. FYI this is me politely saying, "BUTT OUT!" She obviously did not get the hint and said how everyone was worried I would be upset. Well, duh! Of course I would be upset! Who tells the bride the flower girl will be wearing a 50 year old dress? Asshats, that's who! I composed myself and politely said that I would be contacting her (asshole) brother and his (dumb bitch) fiance to let them know the 50 year old dress will not work because it does not match my theme. My future mother in law asks me to send her a picture of my wedding dress to show her brother along with the flower girl dress so he can see how they mirror one another. WTF?! I am not sending you a picture of my wedding dress so you can parade it around your family and everyone can comment and critique it before my wedding! I made the fiance handle me turning down that idea to his mother. He also reiterated to his mother the 50 year old flower girl's dress would not fit our theme.
My not matching theme excuse is one I use for all things people suggest that I do not like. It isn't mean, but it gets them to leave me alone. Except when the fiance asks me to explain the theme and I can't because it is complicated and I end up wanting to kick him in the balls. I am going for a vintage look because I am getting married in a theater made in the 20's, but some of touchs are more modern. For example, I am having the bridesmaids in pearls, which is vintage; however, I weaved ribbon around each, which is something I saw at Carson's a few months ago, so I have the modern touch. So instead of explaining everything which would take 20 minutes, I say I'm looking for vintage with a touch of modern. So of course the fiance has to call me out in front of people and ask me to explain myself. Jerk. I mostly want to say, "It means I don't like your stupid ass idea for my wedding so leave me the hell alone!" But that wouldn't be nice would it? It would be: "There's that devil woman goes again ruining our perfect, walk on water, son!" Ugh inlaws! Maybe you are asking yourself why I wouldn't like a 50 year old dress if I am looking for vintage. Well, because it was ugly and 50 years ago was the 60's not the 20's, but mostly because it was ugly.
I digress, so the dress was dropped and I learned the reason behind the freak out was because his uncle thought we were getting married in October. Why October? No idea...because he is a moron...don't really have a reason for that. Yes, our wedding is in October; however, we did not send out any invitations and told you in the month of October you had to buy the dress. These people need a punch to the face!
For awhile we did not hear from them. I learned from the bridal boutique the girls did not have to be fitted until Christmas. So around Christmas I made the fiance text his uncle to let him know his daughter would need to be fitted soon and thinking, "Here we go again!" Finally, the uncle's fiance gets back to him asking about the boutique. I get her number and text her the details. I give her the name of the shop and where it is located. She texts me back asking for the phone number, which of course I don't have because I just look it up on Google and call it. As I wonder why she cannot look it up on Google and call them, I find the number on my phone and send it to her. I ask when she will get her daughter fitted. She doesn't respond. Great, she can't Google a freaking number and I am going to be down a flower girl.
A few days go by and I still have not heard when she is getting her daughter fitted. Fortunately for me, I chose two flower girls and the other mother is on top of things and her daughter is fitted and the dress is ordered. I finally text the mother again to let her know she has until the end of the following week to have her daughter's dress ordered or it will not be delivered on time. I even called the boutique to turn her away if she was not there by a certain date. I know, I know bitchy move, but I was sick of her shit! She finally texts me back to inform me she will be taking her daughter in on the last possible day. Jerk, but at least it is getting done!
I text her later to let her know the rehersal dinner will be the Thursday before the wedding. This is something I am not happy about because I am getting married on a Sunday. The theater tries to book weddings on the Fridays and Saturdays so I will not be able to have a rehersal then. I know Thursday is kind of a messed up day, so I made sure all of the attendants know about the day in order to be there on time. I let her know the day and she texts me back informing me she will need a reminder. Really? A reminder? You are almost 40 years old and you can't manage to write it on your calendar or program it into your phone? Really? I want to make sure I am getting this straight, with everything other detail I am planning and making sure goes without a hitch, I should also stop everything I am doing so I can give you a reminder? Are you a child?
Maybe I am being a bridezilla, but I believe this sheer laziness. It is ridiculous to ask the bride to give you a reminder when she has a million other things to do! It reminds me of The Office where Meredith asks Pam to give her a ride to Pam's wedding. I now dread talking to this mother because everytime she says something, it makes me want to smack her. The flower girl should be one of the easiest parts. If this mother thinks she is doing us a "favor" by having her daughter in our wedding and therefore can act like a jackass, please don't do us any favors. I work with four year olds, I will have no problem finding another flower girl.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
People need to pick up the Shit
The fiance and I live in a zoo. We have two cats, a dog, and a guinea pig. It is quite an arrangement of animals. The dog hates the guinea pig, and the boy cat slaps the dog, the girl cat is best friends with both the boy cat and the dog, and the cats are freaked out by the guinea pig. It makes things interesting.
So because the fiance and I live in an apartment building, we must walk the dog so that she does not piss and shit all over the apartment. When the fiance or I walk her, we make sure to get a poop bag. In case you don't know, the poop bag is the bag you use to pick up your dog's shit. I am guessing by the amount of dog shit there is all around the complex, many people do not know about this "poop bag."
First, it is gross. I do not want to smell my dog's, let alone another dog's, poop. I do not want to see it. I heard of the Doggie Doo and was thoroughly disgusted. Know why? Because it's disgusting, just like real dog shit. Second, poop spreads disease. I do not want my dog getting sick because a dill-hole can't pick up after his dog.
For whatever reason, there are a ton of assholes in this apartment complex who cannot pick up after their dog. I understand it is gross, but it is also nasty that I have to look at it. There was one woman who did not leash her dogs and then did not pick up after them. Does she not know how dangerous it is to not leash her dogs? I complained to the leasing office about that and people not picking up after their dogs. They said they would post signs. What are signs supposed to do? Oh I must pick up my dog's shit now because this sign in my building told me to! Yeah, that will work!
There are stations all around the complex with dog poop bags and garbage cans, not to mention the several dumpsters all over the parking lots! These assholes are too good to pick up after their dog, so the rest of us must suffer. And to that, I say Fuck You!
So because the fiance and I live in an apartment building, we must walk the dog so that she does not piss and shit all over the apartment. When the fiance or I walk her, we make sure to get a poop bag. In case you don't know, the poop bag is the bag you use to pick up your dog's shit. I am guessing by the amount of dog shit there is all around the complex, many people do not know about this "poop bag."
First, it is gross. I do not want to smell my dog's, let alone another dog's, poop. I do not want to see it. I heard of the Doggie Doo and was thoroughly disgusted. Know why? Because it's disgusting, just like real dog shit. Second, poop spreads disease. I do not want my dog getting sick because a dill-hole can't pick up after his dog.
For whatever reason, there are a ton of assholes in this apartment complex who cannot pick up after their dog. I understand it is gross, but it is also nasty that I have to look at it. There was one woman who did not leash her dogs and then did not pick up after them. Does she not know how dangerous it is to not leash her dogs? I complained to the leasing office about that and people not picking up after their dogs. They said they would post signs. What are signs supposed to do? Oh I must pick up my dog's shit now because this sign in my building told me to! Yeah, that will work!
There are stations all around the complex with dog poop bags and garbage cans, not to mention the several dumpsters all over the parking lots! These assholes are too good to pick up after their dog, so the rest of us must suffer. And to that, I say Fuck You!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Why I Will NOT be Drinking at the Company Holiday Party
Like many companies, the place I work has an annual holiday party. Ours happens to be tonight, and I've already decided there is NO way I'll be drinking at this swaray.
When I drink, I get extra chatty. I never say anything that bad, but I open up and say things that I just wish people didn't hear me say. It's mostly things about my beliefs or my past that aren't necessarily bad, but aren't anyone's business either. So when the booze hits me I decide everything is everyone's business and I wake up wondering, "Why? Why can't I be the funny, ambiguous drunk?" Oh I'm funny, but WAY too open. Plus, because I am stressed by the wedding, I'm irritated and one should not drink at a company party while irritated. Drinking alone while irritated on the pissed soaked couch because your cat has issues with couches and thinks it's okay to piss on them and not chairs, is okay. The worse you'll do is get chummy with people on Facebook you could give two shits about. Drinking while irritated at the company party and saying lots of bitchy things to people you have to see every day- not good.
In fact, I've come up with a list of bitchy things that may or may not come out of my mouth if I choose to drink.
1. Hey assistant! I know I gave you an ornament that says, "Best Assistant," but I want it back because you suck. As I've told you before, it's weird and inappropriate to have your girlfriend in the classroom. You live with her for chrissakes! Chances are you'll see her again this evening! You're 30 grow up, it isn't social hour.
2. Hey apple on stilts (aka the assistant's girlfriend)! One may ask, "Why do you call her an apple on stilts?" Well my dear friend, because she has a round torso, but wears really tall heels so she looks like she has long legs, hence looking like an apple on stilts. But anyway, back to my rant. It's creepy that you are in my classroom so often. I was background checked to be here, what credentials do you have? Just because you sleep with my assistant doesn't mean you belong here. You've been dating this douche for what, 10 years. Wake up, he has no plans of marrying you. Unless you're one of those pathetic girls who hopes her boyfriend will finally do what you want, get a clue. He isn't going to marry you and no matter how many times you try to show you're good with kids. He just isn't going to marry you. You may be an apple on stilts, but I'm sure there is some poor bastard out there that will. Maybe some day you'll find your pear on stilts, but until then, stay the hell out of my room!
3. Hey other assistant whose kid is in my class. You need a wake up call. Your kid needs help at home! Saying, "I am going to do it at the New Year" is bullshit. Being a good mom shouldn't be a New Year's resolution. Work with her now. I understand I'm the teacher, but get real, you work with kids, you know there needs to be something going on at home. Your child has three letters in her name and two look similar and yet I had to work with her for 2 weeks in order for her to do it right! Wtf! Admitting you're a slacker parent doesn't make you a good parent. It isn't means you're making excuses for being a shitty parent.
4. Hey glorified janitor...er, I mean building engineer. You're a douche. You may be all handsome on the outside, but you are total douche on the inside. First, do your job! And I don't mean months after the building request was put in. Second, stop hitting on me. I'm not interested. I'm getting married asshole. Plus, if you ever threw a temper tantrum, like you do in the office, around me, I'll knock the shit out of you.
5. Hey big boss man! I want a raise! As much as you check me out and as awkward as it is for me to talk to you, let alone say your name (whoever decided a male genitalia should be a name should be punched in the face), I deserved to be paid more! I'm one of the only people here actually certified so give me more money!
So there ya go 5 reasons as to why I'm NOT drinking at the company party.
When I drink, I get extra chatty. I never say anything that bad, but I open up and say things that I just wish people didn't hear me say. It's mostly things about my beliefs or my past that aren't necessarily bad, but aren't anyone's business either. So when the booze hits me I decide everything is everyone's business and I wake up wondering, "Why? Why can't I be the funny, ambiguous drunk?" Oh I'm funny, but WAY too open. Plus, because I am stressed by the wedding, I'm irritated and one should not drink at a company party while irritated. Drinking alone while irritated on the pissed soaked couch because your cat has issues with couches and thinks it's okay to piss on them and not chairs, is okay. The worse you'll do is get chummy with people on Facebook you could give two shits about. Drinking while irritated at the company party and saying lots of bitchy things to people you have to see every day- not good.
In fact, I've come up with a list of bitchy things that may or may not come out of my mouth if I choose to drink.
1. Hey assistant! I know I gave you an ornament that says, "Best Assistant," but I want it back because you suck. As I've told you before, it's weird and inappropriate to have your girlfriend in the classroom. You live with her for chrissakes! Chances are you'll see her again this evening! You're 30 grow up, it isn't social hour.
2. Hey apple on stilts (aka the assistant's girlfriend)! One may ask, "Why do you call her an apple on stilts?" Well my dear friend, because she has a round torso, but wears really tall heels so she looks like she has long legs, hence looking like an apple on stilts. But anyway, back to my rant. It's creepy that you are in my classroom so often. I was background checked to be here, what credentials do you have? Just because you sleep with my assistant doesn't mean you belong here. You've been dating this douche for what, 10 years. Wake up, he has no plans of marrying you. Unless you're one of those pathetic girls who hopes her boyfriend will finally do what you want, get a clue. He isn't going to marry you and no matter how many times you try to show you're good with kids. He just isn't going to marry you. You may be an apple on stilts, but I'm sure there is some poor bastard out there that will. Maybe some day you'll find your pear on stilts, but until then, stay the hell out of my room!
3. Hey other assistant whose kid is in my class. You need a wake up call. Your kid needs help at home! Saying, "I am going to do it at the New Year" is bullshit. Being a good mom shouldn't be a New Year's resolution. Work with her now. I understand I'm the teacher, but get real, you work with kids, you know there needs to be something going on at home. Your child has three letters in her name and two look similar and yet I had to work with her for 2 weeks in order for her to do it right! Wtf! Admitting you're a slacker parent doesn't make you a good parent. It isn't means you're making excuses for being a shitty parent.
4. Hey glorified janitor...er, I mean building engineer. You're a douche. You may be all handsome on the outside, but you are total douche on the inside. First, do your job! And I don't mean months after the building request was put in. Second, stop hitting on me. I'm not interested. I'm getting married asshole. Plus, if you ever threw a temper tantrum, like you do in the office, around me, I'll knock the shit out of you.
5. Hey big boss man! I want a raise! As much as you check me out and as awkward as it is for me to talk to you, let alone say your name (whoever decided a male genitalia should be a name should be punched in the face), I deserved to be paid more! I'm one of the only people here actually certified so give me more money!
So there ya go 5 reasons as to why I'm NOT drinking at the company party.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
All I Got for Christmas was Strep Throat
A few days before Christmas I was diagnosed with strep throat. I know I wasn't the best person all year, but did Santa really need to give me the early Christmas present of strep throat? I know plenty of people who were way worse than me!
It wasn't all bad, the fiancé and I were able to get out of some Christmas festivities. However, it was so painful I was taking an old, non-expired prescription of Vicodin to help, but it only put a very small dent in the pain and mostly knocked me (which I consider a win). I was also hoping that this pain in my neck (the strep throat, pun intended) would get me out of looking at the fake flowers (a girl could only hope).
The fiancé and I missed my mother's side of the family's Christmas party, which the fiancé was indifferent about and I disappointed I was going to miss it. My mom grew up the oldest of 5 so I had a lot of cousins and we were all close in age. We use to make up skits for our parents when we were younger and the last few years we've been playing Scene It, grown ups vs. "kids." I put "kids" in quotes because of course now we are all over 20. The old farts...er, grown ups... usually lose against us and I wanted to be a part of yet another win. However, being contagious and asleep by 6, I could not go.
The next morning, well mid-morning, my immediate family came over for a
brunch. It's nice to do things with my family because it's small (there's only 3 other members besides myself) and none of us have children, except obviously my mom and dad. It's quick and easy, unlike the fiancé's family where he has 3 older sisters and all of them have kids. My family came over and told me all the gossip from the family party; who got fat, who was an asshat, who looked anorexically skinny, and so on. My mom and the fiancé cooked breakfast which was nice and because no one wanted to eat anything Sicky cooked.
When we went to the doctor on Friday and it was confirmed I did indeed have strep throat, I asked for surgical masks so I didn't infect anyone else. And I wanted assholes who made me leave my bed to feel like douches for making me leave that bed when I was sick. What? The choice to not go out and stay in bed? Oh see, but by doing that I'm the asshat that planned a fake illness so I can drive the family apart. No, I'd rather someone else feel like the dick.
The fiancé and I decided we'd drive to the party, drop off our presents, show face (a surgical masked face), and leave. I suggested we do a drive-by present drop off. That is were we drive by the house and throw the presents out the window and continue driving. There maybe broken toys, but at least it isn't a bullet to the gut. We roll up, put on our surgical masks, and step out of the car with a bunch of presents. I wrote "rolled up" cause at the time I felt like a total badass. A badass with white splotches on the back of her throat and a fever. We get in and the famdamly doesn't know what to think. Someone asks us if we got out of surgery. No, but I'd like to cut you, I think. The fiancé explains how I have steep throat, but he could be carrying the germs as well.
There were a few things that surprised me about the party.
1. His mom felt bad we were eating in the garage by ourselves because we didn't want to infect the rest of the family.
2. His mom called me AUNT! Praise the lord! That by far was the best Christmas present.
3. I did not see those damn fake flowers anywhere. Downfall: the fiance's sister got in my face and asked me if I was using them. I'm pretty sure if I wasn't wearing a mask, I'd smell her breath.
4. I am pretty sure I ticked off his grandmother (which really isn't a surprise, but I need to mention it somewhere). She attacked me with questions about the flower arrangements, which I thought I had told his uncle when we meet I will bring along a manilla folder of ideas I do and do not like. So when I told her we would discuss it then and I didn't have the answers to her questions because A. I was sick and B. I hadn't thought of it all yet, she seemed pretty ticked. Oh well.
5. I actually had fun. The fiance's parents gave everyone nerf guns and everyone started shooting everyone. However, now that I have nerf guns at my home and the fiance thinks it is okay to play target practice with our pets, I am rethinking the brillianceness of this gift.
Overall, the holiday was pretty good, despite me feeling like crap the entire time.
It wasn't all bad, the fiancé and I were able to get out of some Christmas festivities. However, it was so painful I was taking an old, non-expired prescription of Vicodin to help, but it only put a very small dent in the pain and mostly knocked me (which I consider a win). I was also hoping that this pain in my neck (the strep throat, pun intended) would get me out of looking at the fake flowers (a girl could only hope).
The fiancé and I missed my mother's side of the family's Christmas party, which the fiancé was indifferent about and I disappointed I was going to miss it. My mom grew up the oldest of 5 so I had a lot of cousins and we were all close in age. We use to make up skits for our parents when we were younger and the last few years we've been playing Scene It, grown ups vs. "kids." I put "kids" in quotes because of course now we are all over 20. The old farts...er, grown ups... usually lose against us and I wanted to be a part of yet another win. However, being contagious and asleep by 6, I could not go.
The next morning, well mid-morning, my immediate family came over for a
brunch. It's nice to do things with my family because it's small (there's only 3 other members besides myself) and none of us have children, except obviously my mom and dad. It's quick and easy, unlike the fiancé's family where he has 3 older sisters and all of them have kids. My family came over and told me all the gossip from the family party; who got fat, who was an asshat, who looked anorexically skinny, and so on. My mom and the fiancé cooked breakfast which was nice and because no one wanted to eat anything Sicky cooked.
When we went to the doctor on Friday and it was confirmed I did indeed have strep throat, I asked for surgical masks so I didn't infect anyone else. And I wanted assholes who made me leave my bed to feel like douches for making me leave that bed when I was sick. What? The choice to not go out and stay in bed? Oh see, but by doing that I'm the asshat that planned a fake illness so I can drive the family apart. No, I'd rather someone else feel like the dick.
The fiancé and I decided we'd drive to the party, drop off our presents, show face (a surgical masked face), and leave. I suggested we do a drive-by present drop off. That is were we drive by the house and throw the presents out the window and continue driving. There maybe broken toys, but at least it isn't a bullet to the gut. We roll up, put on our surgical masks, and step out of the car with a bunch of presents. I wrote "rolled up" cause at the time I felt like a total badass. A badass with white splotches on the back of her throat and a fever. We get in and the famdamly doesn't know what to think. Someone asks us if we got out of surgery. No, but I'd like to cut you, I think. The fiancé explains how I have steep throat, but he could be carrying the germs as well.
There were a few things that surprised me about the party.
1. His mom felt bad we were eating in the garage by ourselves because we didn't want to infect the rest of the family.
2. His mom called me AUNT! Praise the lord! That by far was the best Christmas present.
3. I did not see those damn fake flowers anywhere. Downfall: the fiance's sister got in my face and asked me if I was using them. I'm pretty sure if I wasn't wearing a mask, I'd smell her breath.
4. I am pretty sure I ticked off his grandmother (which really isn't a surprise, but I need to mention it somewhere). She attacked me with questions about the flower arrangements, which I thought I had told his uncle when we meet I will bring along a manilla folder of ideas I do and do not like. So when I told her we would discuss it then and I didn't have the answers to her questions because A. I was sick and B. I hadn't thought of it all yet, she seemed pretty ticked. Oh well.
5. I actually had fun. The fiance's parents gave everyone nerf guns and everyone started shooting everyone. However, now that I have nerf guns at my home and the fiance thinks it is okay to play target practice with our pets, I am rethinking the brillianceness of this gift.
Overall, the holiday was pretty good, despite me feeling like crap the entire time.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
I HATE fake flowers!
I understand "hate" is a strong word; however, in the terms of my wedding to the fiancé and what I want, I am forced to use these extreme measures. I'm not a bridezilla unless I'm forced to be, and the fiancé's family doesn't seem to listen the first time I speak. I also think fake flowers have their place. For example, I am not going to throw my real bouquet at the reception, I will throw one with fake flowers and whomever catches it can keep it.
We had asked his uncle to do our flower arrangements, but when we learned he didn't even attempt to work with real flowers, we decided to let him do the table arrangements. Seven or so years ago he did all of the fake flower arrangements for the fiance's older sister's wedding. I have made it clear from the beginning I did not like fake flowers. I feel they look tacky, again my personal opinion. The fiance's sister asked if we wanted to use her fake flowers, I said no.
A few days later, the fiance's grandmother (who is a piece of work and cannot mind her own business) calls from her brother's (the uncle's) phone. She informed the fiance she was coming to our meeting with her brother and the fiance needed to call him back tonight. When we received the message, he called his uncle back. This is when we learn there has been a rumor floating around the family that we wanted to use his sister's fake flower arrangement from seven years ago. The fiance politely declines and tells his uncle I will put together a folder of center pieces I did and did not like.
A couple of days after that discussion, the fiance gets a text from his uncle asking about my parents price range. I was under the impression he was going to be giving us the centerpieces as our gift, since it was what he did for the older sister's wedding. His gift was putting the pieces together. Well, if that is his gift, I will go and buy the material and then put them together myself. I was irritated. Plus the fake flowers from 7 years ago was brought up again.
Yesterday, the fiance was given a text from his mom that a friend of his oldest sister wanted to use the dusty, seven year old, fake flowers in her wedding. Therefore the fake flowers will be on display at his sister's house for me to look at on Christmas. Great, now I am going to have his entire family pressure me into using something I am simply not interested in. Yes, I plan on being polite. Yes, I plan on turning the flowers down. But for the love of god, leave me alone about the damn flowers!
We had asked his uncle to do our flower arrangements, but when we learned he didn't even attempt to work with real flowers, we decided to let him do the table arrangements. Seven or so years ago he did all of the fake flower arrangements for the fiance's older sister's wedding. I have made it clear from the beginning I did not like fake flowers. I feel they look tacky, again my personal opinion. The fiance's sister asked if we wanted to use her fake flowers, I said no.
A few days later, the fiance's grandmother (who is a piece of work and cannot mind her own business) calls from her brother's (the uncle's) phone. She informed the fiance she was coming to our meeting with her brother and the fiance needed to call him back tonight. When we received the message, he called his uncle back. This is when we learn there has been a rumor floating around the family that we wanted to use his sister's fake flower arrangement from seven years ago. The fiance politely declines and tells his uncle I will put together a folder of center pieces I did and did not like.
A couple of days after that discussion, the fiance gets a text from his uncle asking about my parents price range. I was under the impression he was going to be giving us the centerpieces as our gift, since it was what he did for the older sister's wedding. His gift was putting the pieces together. Well, if that is his gift, I will go and buy the material and then put them together myself. I was irritated. Plus the fake flowers from 7 years ago was brought up again.
Yesterday, the fiance was given a text from his mom that a friend of his oldest sister wanted to use the dusty, seven year old, fake flowers in her wedding. Therefore the fake flowers will be on display at his sister's house for me to look at on Christmas. Great, now I am going to have his entire family pressure me into using something I am simply not interested in. Yes, I plan on being polite. Yes, I plan on turning the flowers down. But for the love of god, leave me alone about the damn flowers!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
The Beginning...of this blog
After dating and kissing many a frog, I have finally found my prince. Granted, he is not always the most charming of princes, but I am not always the most beautiful of princesses either... especially when I wake up in the morning (eww morning breath). Most importantly though, we love each other with all the quirks and sparks and occasional farts. We are getting married in the spring and I couldn't be happier, except that all stories have conflict. It's what makes life interesting, right? I wish my life wasn't so interesting...
Wouldn't it be nice if everyone in your future spouse's family just loved you, accepted you for who you are, understood that you make your significant other very happy (hense the getting married), and if they couldn't, you could shoot them in the neck with a tranquilizer dart? I, personally, would be buying all the tranquilizer darts out of the tranquilizer dart store, and yes in this scenario there is a store that solely sells tranquilizer darts.
However, that is not life, and that is not my future in-laws. What I realized with my future hubby's family is they are close in almost a mean sort of way. I don't mean cliquey, but they gossip and hide issues from one another only to reveal them in a way they can inflict the most amount of pain on one another. It's really quite sad. The fiance has come to figure this out on his own and distances himself from them. It would be just peachy if his family self-reflected and saw this is why the fiance distances himself, but why on earth would we be so lucky. Of course, his parents are convinced it is all my fault because I am the master manipulator and only, if only I were not in his life there would be world peace, and bunny rabbits you could feed out of your hands, and rainbows in the sky every day for the rest of their lives. If one were to put a hand on my head, one may feel my horns popping through my hair because I must be evil if I am taking their precious baby boy away from them, right? Wait... isn't that part of growing up? Moving out of the house, forming your own opinions, and starting a family... pretty sure it's what a lot of people do.
The future hubby has a lot of student loans... more than what is normal. The kicker is his parents make over $100,000 and sabotaged every move he made towards getting some kind of scholarship or federal loan money for college. He pretty much asked the wrong people, his parents, for support and it back fired. But whatever, the past is the past, and the past is an asshole. So every month we pay over a grand to a bitch named Sallie. It's fine, we make it, and we grow closer as a couple. Now when I say, "It's fine", I mean we make ends meet, we aren't starving, and we can afford our animals. By "It's fine," I do not mean we are rolling in the dough, can spend our money on stupid shit, and it's okay to talk to us about money. "It's fine" does mean, we will probably ask for gift cards so we can save more of our money in the case of an emergency, our wedding, or our honeymoon. "It's fine" doesn't mean badger us about what we want and need for Christmas until we shoot you in the neck with a tranquilizer dart. I could go on and on; however, I think I've made my point. Despite his parents causing the majority of the state of our personal economy, and despite a really long letter (because between his dad huffing and puffing "we'll disown you" and his mom's tantrums, it makes it incredibly hard to talk to them-the fiance decided to write a letter) explaining why he felt betrayed by them, how he is losing money through the outrageous loans, and he is sick of them always ragging on me- they still wanted to talk to us about money. Assholes.
Last Saturday, we drove all the way to the hicker-billy town they live in to give them labels and a grill they left in our trunk a month earlier. That was an interesting conversation:
Me: There is a grill in our trunk
Fiance: My parents left it in there.
Me: Why?
Fiance: My dad fixed my breaks and put it back there.
Me: But why did he put a grill in our trunk?
Fiance: I don't know.
Yes, future in-laws- Thank you for fixing the fiance's breaks so he won't die while driving. I appreciate you doing that; however, it does not open our trunk to be your personal storage facility. We bring the grill and the other stuff they wanted to them.
Recently, we changed our honeymoon plans because we could not afford the plane ticket for the original palns. We wanted to share the fun news of what we decided would be our honeymoon. This is how the conversation went:
Fiance: We are going to do a driving trip out west for our honeymoon.
His Father: What happened to Europe?
Fiance: We can't afford the plane tickets without depleting our savings.
His Father: How much are they?
Me: Over 2 grand.
His Mother and Father: oh
His Father: You know the [insert college team] are playing at the [insert pro basketball court]. You should have bought tickets to go to the game.
Fiance: I can't afford them, dad.
Me: (In my head) Asshole
Really? Really... I can see the fiance did not get his smarts from his father. This is the point where I refrain from reaching over and wrapping my hands around his throat. Does he really not listen or can he not put two and two together? Either way, something is majorly lacking!
As we are walking out, his father starts to badger us about wanting gas cards for Christmas. Despite the conversation we have had for the last, oh 10 minutes, he still does not understand why the fiance and I would ask for gas cards. So after he hounds us for the next two minutes as to why we only want gas cards and is there anything else we need, the fiance turns to him and says, "We only need money." Most people have pride and most people do not want to talk about their money issues, but for whatever reason this large man does not seem to understand it is an issue we do not want to talk to him about. So he badgers us for another few minutes about how much money we need. The fiance looks at him and says it would be nice to have enough to cover my student loan this month. Well his father storms off saying he isn't paying for that.
We are on our way home, back to civilization, and the fiance gets a message from his mother, threatening him about bringing up the student loans. I can't believe these people! They are ridiculous! Give me my tranqs now! So she treatens him saying he is going to regret it if he continues to bring it up. Then she goes on to say how he never had any issues until he met me and was getting married. Yes, I am evil because despite me not saying a word about anything, this is all my fault. Fuck you very much, future mother in-law.
Wouldn't it be nice if everyone in your future spouse's family just loved you, accepted you for who you are, understood that you make your significant other very happy (hense the getting married), and if they couldn't, you could shoot them in the neck with a tranquilizer dart? I, personally, would be buying all the tranquilizer darts out of the tranquilizer dart store, and yes in this scenario there is a store that solely sells tranquilizer darts.
However, that is not life, and that is not my future in-laws. What I realized with my future hubby's family is they are close in almost a mean sort of way. I don't mean cliquey, but they gossip and hide issues from one another only to reveal them in a way they can inflict the most amount of pain on one another. It's really quite sad. The fiance has come to figure this out on his own and distances himself from them. It would be just peachy if his family self-reflected and saw this is why the fiance distances himself, but why on earth would we be so lucky. Of course, his parents are convinced it is all my fault because I am the master manipulator and only, if only I were not in his life there would be world peace, and bunny rabbits you could feed out of your hands, and rainbows in the sky every day for the rest of their lives. If one were to put a hand on my head, one may feel my horns popping through my hair because I must be evil if I am taking their precious baby boy away from them, right? Wait... isn't that part of growing up? Moving out of the house, forming your own opinions, and starting a family... pretty sure it's what a lot of people do.
The future hubby has a lot of student loans... more than what is normal. The kicker is his parents make over $100,000 and sabotaged every move he made towards getting some kind of scholarship or federal loan money for college. He pretty much asked the wrong people, his parents, for support and it back fired. But whatever, the past is the past, and the past is an asshole. So every month we pay over a grand to a bitch named Sallie. It's fine, we make it, and we grow closer as a couple. Now when I say, "It's fine", I mean we make ends meet, we aren't starving, and we can afford our animals. By "It's fine," I do not mean we are rolling in the dough, can spend our money on stupid shit, and it's okay to talk to us about money. "It's fine" does mean, we will probably ask for gift cards so we can save more of our money in the case of an emergency, our wedding, or our honeymoon. "It's fine" doesn't mean badger us about what we want and need for Christmas until we shoot you in the neck with a tranquilizer dart. I could go on and on; however, I think I've made my point. Despite his parents causing the majority of the state of our personal economy, and despite a really long letter (because between his dad huffing and puffing "we'll disown you" and his mom's tantrums, it makes it incredibly hard to talk to them-the fiance decided to write a letter) explaining why he felt betrayed by them, how he is losing money through the outrageous loans, and he is sick of them always ragging on me- they still wanted to talk to us about money. Assholes.
Last Saturday, we drove all the way to the hicker-billy town they live in to give them labels and a grill they left in our trunk a month earlier. That was an interesting conversation:
Me: There is a grill in our trunk
Fiance: My parents left it in there.
Me: Why?
Fiance: My dad fixed my breaks and put it back there.
Me: But why did he put a grill in our trunk?
Fiance: I don't know.
Yes, future in-laws- Thank you for fixing the fiance's breaks so he won't die while driving. I appreciate you doing that; however, it does not open our trunk to be your personal storage facility. We bring the grill and the other stuff they wanted to them.
Recently, we changed our honeymoon plans because we could not afford the plane ticket for the original palns. We wanted to share the fun news of what we decided would be our honeymoon. This is how the conversation went:
Fiance: We are going to do a driving trip out west for our honeymoon.
His Father: What happened to Europe?
Fiance: We can't afford the plane tickets without depleting our savings.
His Father: How much are they?
Me: Over 2 grand.
His Mother and Father: oh
His Father: You know the [insert college team] are playing at the [insert pro basketball court]. You should have bought tickets to go to the game.
Fiance: I can't afford them, dad.
Me: (In my head) Asshole
Really? Really... I can see the fiance did not get his smarts from his father. This is the point where I refrain from reaching over and wrapping my hands around his throat. Does he really not listen or can he not put two and two together? Either way, something is majorly lacking!
As we are walking out, his father starts to badger us about wanting gas cards for Christmas. Despite the conversation we have had for the last, oh 10 minutes, he still does not understand why the fiance and I would ask for gas cards. So after he hounds us for the next two minutes as to why we only want gas cards and is there anything else we need, the fiance turns to him and says, "We only need money." Most people have pride and most people do not want to talk about their money issues, but for whatever reason this large man does not seem to understand it is an issue we do not want to talk to him about. So he badgers us for another few minutes about how much money we need. The fiance looks at him and says it would be nice to have enough to cover my student loan this month. Well his father storms off saying he isn't paying for that.
We are on our way home, back to civilization, and the fiance gets a message from his mother, threatening him about bringing up the student loans. I can't believe these people! They are ridiculous! Give me my tranqs now! So she treatens him saying he is going to regret it if he continues to bring it up. Then she goes on to say how he never had any issues until he met me and was getting married. Yes, I am evil because despite me not saying a word about anything, this is all my fault. Fuck you very much, future mother in-law.
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