After dating and kissing many a frog, I have finally found my prince. Granted, he is not always the most charming of princes, but I am not always the most beautiful of princesses either... especially when I wake up in the morning (eww morning breath). Most importantly though, we love each other with all the quirks and sparks and occasional farts. We are getting married in the spring and I couldn't be happier, except that all stories have conflict. It's what makes life interesting, right? I wish my life wasn't so interesting...
Wouldn't it be nice if everyone in your future spouse's family just loved you, accepted you for who you are, understood that you make your significant other very happy (hense the getting married), and if they couldn't, you could shoot them in the neck with a tranquilizer dart? I, personally, would be buying all the tranquilizer darts out of the tranquilizer dart store, and yes in this scenario there is a store that solely sells tranquilizer darts.
However, that is not life, and that is not my future in-laws. What I realized with my future hubby's family is they are close in almost a mean sort of way. I don't mean cliquey, but they gossip and hide issues from one another only to reveal them in a way they can inflict the most amount of pain on one another. It's really quite sad. The fiance has come to figure this out on his own and distances himself from them. It would be just peachy if his family self-reflected and saw this is why the fiance distances himself, but why on earth would we be so lucky. Of course, his parents are convinced it is all my fault because I am the master manipulator and only, if only I were not in his life there would be world peace, and bunny rabbits you could feed out of your hands, and rainbows in the sky every day for the rest of their lives. If one were to put a hand on my head, one may feel my horns popping through my hair because I must be evil if I am taking their precious baby boy away from them, right? Wait... isn't that part of growing up? Moving out of the house, forming your own opinions, and starting a family... pretty sure it's what a lot of people do.
The future hubby has a lot of student loans... more than what is normal. The kicker is his parents make over $100,000 and sabotaged every move he made towards getting some kind of scholarship or federal loan money for college. He pretty much asked the wrong people, his parents, for support and it back fired. But whatever, the past is the past, and the past is an asshole. So every month we pay over a grand to a bitch named Sallie. It's fine, we make it, and we grow closer as a couple. Now when I say, "It's fine", I mean we make ends meet, we aren't starving, and we can afford our animals. By "It's fine," I do not mean we are rolling in the dough, can spend our money on stupid shit, and it's okay to talk to us about money. "It's fine" does mean, we will probably ask for gift cards so we can save more of our money in the case of an emergency, our wedding, or our honeymoon. "It's fine" doesn't mean badger us about what we want and need for Christmas until we shoot you in the neck with a tranquilizer dart. I could go on and on; however, I think I've made my point. Despite his parents causing the majority of the state of our personal economy, and despite a really long letter (because between his dad huffing and puffing "we'll disown you" and his mom's tantrums, it makes it incredibly hard to talk to them-the fiance decided to write a letter) explaining why he felt betrayed by them, how he is losing money through the outrageous loans, and he is sick of them always ragging on me- they still wanted to talk to us about money. Assholes.
Last Saturday, we drove all the way to the hicker-billy town they live in to give them labels and a grill they left in our trunk a month earlier. That was an interesting conversation:
Me: There is a grill in our trunk
Fiance: My parents left it in there.
Me: Why?
Fiance: My dad fixed my breaks and put it back there.
Me: But why did he put a grill in our trunk?
Fiance: I don't know.
Yes, future in-laws- Thank you for fixing the fiance's breaks so he won't die while driving. I appreciate you doing that; however, it does not open our trunk to be your personal storage facility. We bring the grill and the other stuff they wanted to them.
Recently, we changed our honeymoon plans because we could not afford the plane ticket for the original palns. We wanted to share the fun news of what we decided would be our honeymoon. This is how the conversation went:
Fiance: We are going to do a driving trip out west for our honeymoon.
His Father: What happened to Europe?
Fiance: We can't afford the plane tickets without depleting our savings.
His Father: How much are they?
Me: Over 2 grand.
His Mother and Father: oh
His Father: You know the [insert college team] are playing at the [insert pro basketball court]. You should have bought tickets to go to the game.
Fiance: I can't afford them, dad.
Me: (In my head) Asshole
Really? Really... I can see the fiance did not get his smarts from his father. This is the point where I refrain from reaching over and wrapping my hands around his throat. Does he really not listen or can he not put two and two together? Either way, something is majorly lacking!
As we are walking out, his father starts to badger us about wanting gas cards for Christmas. Despite the conversation we have had for the last, oh 10 minutes, he still does not understand why the fiance and I would ask for gas cards. So after he hounds us for the next two minutes as to why we only want gas cards and is there anything else we need, the fiance turns to him and says, "We only need money." Most people have pride and most people do not want to talk about their money issues, but for whatever reason this large man does not seem to understand it is an issue we do not want to talk to him about. So he badgers us for another few minutes about how much money we need. The fiance looks at him and says it would be nice to have enough to cover my student loan this month. Well his father storms off saying he isn't paying for that.
We are on our way home, back to civilization, and the fiance gets a message from his mother, threatening him about bringing up the student loans. I can't believe these people! They are ridiculous! Give me my tranqs now! So she treatens him saying he is going to regret it if he continues to bring it up. Then she goes on to say how he never had any issues until he met me and was getting married. Yes, I am evil because despite me not saying a word about anything, this is all my fault. Fuck you very much, future mother in-law.
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